The Stressed Heart

Boy, you know, stress is a killer.  I’m tellin ya, it’ll make you sick, sick, sick.  Like my friend Carol, she was stressed all the time, and she just died of cancer!  It was the stress that killed her, s’what I’m saying.  Not me, I’ve never been stressed, and good thing too, else I’d be dead just like Carol.

I was stressed when your Dad was unemployed, remember that?  For year he didn’t have a job, and no income for any of us!  We moved in with Carol for a while, remember that?  Talk about stress, my hair started to fall out!  Constipation, palpitations, diarrhea, rashes, you name it, I had it.  I shudder to think what my blood pressure was back then, it’s a good thing I couldn’t afford to go to the doctor, or who knows?  Like there wasn’t enough to think about back then, without throwing blood pressure on the pile.

It’s a good thing too we got out of that situation, is all I’m saying.  Carol never got a hold of her stress after that, and look at her.  Dead from cancer.  Oh sure, she kept your dad when we moved out, and I laughed to myself, I said, “Fat lotta good that’ll do you!”

You know, I should thank her, she’s probably the reason I’m so healthy now, while she’s dead from cancer!  It’s that father of yours, he generates enough stress to kill a whole family of people.

That’s the key.  Stress, what’s it good for?  It makes you sick is what it does, and then you end up in the hospital, and then you contract an infection, and then you’re really fucked!  Stay out of the hospital, stay out of stress, that’s the best thing you can do for yourself.  Don’t let a single thing in your life upset you.

Are you stressed?  I bet you are, with all the shit your father put you through.  I heard you went to the E.R., for what was it, heat exhaustion?  Shouldn’t have landed yourself in the hospital first off.  But you’re just like your father, a hypochondriac.  That’s what he had in common with Carol, she was a hypo and then, turns out, she had cancer for months before they found it, and then, too late!  You let yourself worry too much about your health, and you’ll get sick and die!

The way I’ve done it, I never worried about my health.  I never even tried.  I just treated my body like how you all treated me, like an indestructible piece of junk you can do whatever you want to, who cares what it’s saying?  I haven’t been to the doctor in years; you go to the doctor, they’ll stress you out, and you’ll get cancer and die.  What do I want to know from a doctor?  That I have high blood pressure?  I’m sure I will, I’ll get it worrying over how high my blood pressure is!  They’ll tell me, stop drinking coffee, stop drinking alcohol, exercise.  What do I need to do all that for?  It’s for sick people.  I’m healthy!

What’s wrong with your face?  You look sick!  My God, you’re sweating all over yourself.  What are you so worked up over?  Is it your high blood sugar?  Well that’s your fault, for going to the E.R. and letting them take your blood from you.  You gotta stop thinking about all that stuff, I’m telling you, it’s all stress, and what does stressing over your poor health do?  It kills ya!

Have you been listening to a thing I’ve said?



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